http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Begin-to-Set-Personal-Boundaries_1
Begin to Set Personal Boundaries
Oprah.com Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you keep agreeing to do things that you really don't want to do? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can't handle conflict? Do you take things personally?
Life coach Cheryl Richardson says that creating stronger boundaries is the number one way for most women to improve their lives. Here she shows you how to stand up for yourself! Set personal boundaries and free yourself from the "disease to please" with these three steps!
Step 1: Self-Awareness
The first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. Complete the following sentences.
Step 2: Setting Your Boundaries
Learn to set boundaries with others. Find support and using specific language.
Step 3: Strengthen Your Internal Boundaries
Too often, women neglect to stand up for themselves by avoiding confrontation. When someone offends you, stop and ask these three questions.
Guilt in Setting Boundaries
Learn how to overcome guilt. Get rid of the obstacles that could be blocking your way to setting boundaries in your life.
Step 1: Self-Awareness
The first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. For example, pay close attention to the situations when you lose energy, feel a knot in your stomach, or want to cry. Identifying where you need more space, self-respect, energy or personal power is the first step.
Another way to identify your boundaries is by completing these three sentences with at least 10 examples.
1. People may not ___________.
Click for examples
2. I have a right to ask for ____________.
Click for examples
3. To protect my time and energy, it's OK to _________________.
Click for examples
Step 2: Setting Your Boundaries
Step 2: Setting Your Boundaries
Start setting simple but firm boundaries with a graceful or neutral tone. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you take care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier.
Be sure to have support in place before and after each conversation. If you can't find support from a friend or family member, you may be successful finding a friend online.
Vent any strong emotions with your partner before having your boundary conversation.
Use simple, direct language.
To set a boundary with an angry person:
"You may not yell at me. If you continue, I'll have to leave the room."
To set a boundary with personal phone calls at work:
"I've decided to take all personal calls in the evening in order to get my work done. I will need to call you later."
To say no to extra commitments:
"Although this organization is important to me, I need to decline your request for volunteer help in order to honor my family's needs."
To set a boundary with someone who is critical:
"It's not okay with me that you comment on my weight. I'd like to ask you to stop."
To buy yourself time when making tough decisions:
"I'll have to sleep on it, I have a policy of not making decisions right away."
To back out of a commitment:
"I know I agreed to head up our fundraising efforts, but after reviewing my schedule, I now realize that I won't be able to give it my best attention. I'd like to help find a replacement by the end of next week.
To set a boundary with an adult child who borrows money:
"I won't be lending you money anymore. I love you and you need to take responsibility for yourself."
When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate, or over-explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request.
Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs
Step 3: Strengthen Your Personal Boundaries
Step 3: Strengthen Your Internal Boundaries
One of the reasons that women take things personally is because they have weak "internal boundaries." An internal boundary is like an invisible shield that prevents you from taking in a comment without checking it out first. For example, when someone accuses you of being arrogant, stop and consider the statement before taking it in.
When you use this internal shield, especially with difficult people like an ex-spouse or critical parent, it gives you time to ask yourself the following three questions:
How much of this is true about me?
How much of this is about the other person?
What do I need to do (if anything) to regain my personal power or stand up for myself?
This last question is very important. Too often women neglect to stand up for themselves by avoiding confrontation and end up weakening their internal shield, making it harder to set boundaries at all. So, if someone offends you, it may be necessary to let them know in order to protect and strengthen your internal boundaries.
Guilt in setting boundaries
Guilt in Setting Boundaries
Is guilt standing in your way of saying no to the things you don't want to do? Learn how to overcome guilt and other obstacles that could be blocking your way to setting boundaries in your life.
Overcoming Guilt
You have to be ready to make tough choices to change your lifestyle. Cheryl Richardson says guilt is the most common obstacle to taking care of yourself. You will feel guilty by making yourself a priority. To overcome guilt, face it head on. See it as a sign that you are on the right track.
Overcoming Resistance
Tell people your priorities have changed and that you are taking care of your needs. If you feel your own resistance to focusing on yourself, remember, when you put yourself first, you are then fully available to others without resentment or anger.
Find Support
When you start making yourself a priority, you may feel uncomfortable and uncaring. Stay with it and find support from other women doing the same.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Self Empowerment Article...
Wise Advice From My Dadfrom Motivational Memo Blog by Peter G. James Sinclair
My dad’s my hero. He’s loved me when I wasn’t lovable. He’s encouraged me when I needed encouragement. He’s challenged me. He’s supported me and has provided me with a guiding example. He has made me laugh, and is to this day an awesome story teller.
His greatest attribute is that he’s a doer and not just a talker. While everybody else was having a committee meeting Dad had already done what needed to be done. He’s a man of action, and he loves my mother(see photo).
I have observed him as he led our family through acts of dedicated service for many years. And as I think about who he is, and the wisdom he’s imparted to me – not always by word – but in many ways by deed – here are eight facets of the wise advice that I’ve caught from him. I am my father’s son, and I’m proud to call him dad – and trust that I can be the shining example he has set for me to follow to my own children, and his grandchildren.
1.’Always finish what you start.’
Completion builds character. Seeing a project through from the beginning until the end requires dedication and discipline. It is a habit that will provide you with the capability of being known as a reliable one. So many have run from a job before it has ended, and have suffered as a result. Not necessarily in that job, but by developing bad habits that will catch up to them at a later date. Be reliable, and when you promise to complete, do so, even if it creates for you some discomfort. Time will pass quickly, and you will be the stronger for the experience.
2.’If you do something do it well.’
It’s not the size of the task that you complete that is of major significance. It is the attitude with which you complete it that counts. Give everything you do your fullest attention, and always do it to the best of your ability. If you find that in the midst of the task your abilities are lacking somewhat, then seek ways to learn. Search out a mentor. Read a book. Listen to or watch a recording. Attend a seminar. Do whatever it takes to equip yourself with the skills to perform the best you can possibly perform. And add enthusiasm to each and every performance.
3.’Take good care of your health.’
What use is it to have the finest mind in the whole wide world and yet leave your body to go to rack and ruin? So yes, take care of your mental health by reading the finest of literature and seeking out the best of the best in information. But also spend time each day exercising your body, whether it be to walk, run, swim or ride. Spend time attending to your spiritual health through prayer and meditation. Become financially literate so that you can maintain a healthy financial life, and if you are to have healthy relationships, make certain that you invest love into the lives of your family, friends and associates every day of your life.
4.’Don’t neglect your spiritual life.’
In our rush for success, this is an area of our lives that many neglect. And yet it is at the very centre of our beings. This is not about religion. It is about ensuring that we maintain the compass for our lives and the very essence of our existence. Personally, I have found regular times of prayer and meditation in ‘the greatest book that has ever been written’ has carried me through both the good and the bad times. The end result, to this point, has been a life filled with clarity, love and peace that I share with others.
5.’Keep neat and tidy.’
you can soon tell a disciplined life from an undisciplined life through simply observing their surroundings. Though remember that there are two types of people: those who clean up after the event and those who clean as they go. The results are what count. At the end of the day, after all the activity is over, what remains? Is it order or disorder? Is there peace or is there tension? All these things arise from a mind that is either, or neither, neat or tidy. Aided by a plan, and followed through with regular action, a neat and tidy mind will lead to an ordered life.
6.’Obey directions.’
My daughter once received a bonus just before Christmas from her boss. None of the other juniors, who worked with her, did. Why the difference? Because she did what she was asked to do. At the start of the day they were all instructed to keep an eye out, throughout the gift store, for people who may like to pocket goods for free and then leave. The one who was diligent in following the request of the owner was the one who was ultimately rewarded. Simple, but the one who did this is now running her own businesses and is now the one giving directions.
7.’Help others.’
He or she who helps others helps himself or herself. Give and it will be given back to you. This is a law and should become a daily part of our lives. As a writer of motivational material, I have found that the more I write to encourage others, the more I am encouraged and the more inspiration I receive to write. So don’t be on the lookout to always get. Be on the hunt to give, and in your giving be generous, for a generous heart will always be full and overflowing.
8.’Always use the best tools.’
In order to move a mountain, what would you choose? A shovel or a bulldozer? The effectiveness of the tools will very much determine your answer, won’t they? If you want plenty of exercise and a tan, you’ll choose the shovel. However, if you want a job done swiftly, you’ll choose the dozer. But the fact remains, that the tools you use will determine whether or not you’re on the cutting edge of change. Those who have led every revolution (whether industrial or technological) have been the ones who have used superior tools
My dad’s my hero. He’s loved me when I wasn’t lovable. He’s encouraged me when I needed encouragement. He’s challenged me. He’s supported me and has provided me with a guiding example. He has made me laugh, and is to this day an awesome story teller.
His greatest attribute is that he’s a doer and not just a talker. While everybody else was having a committee meeting Dad had already done what needed to be done. He’s a man of action, and he loves my mother(see photo).
I have observed him as he led our family through acts of dedicated service for many years. And as I think about who he is, and the wisdom he’s imparted to me – not always by word – but in many ways by deed – here are eight facets of the wise advice that I’ve caught from him. I am my father’s son, and I’m proud to call him dad – and trust that I can be the shining example he has set for me to follow to my own children, and his grandchildren.
1.’Always finish what you start.’
Completion builds character. Seeing a project through from the beginning until the end requires dedication and discipline. It is a habit that will provide you with the capability of being known as a reliable one. So many have run from a job before it has ended, and have suffered as a result. Not necessarily in that job, but by developing bad habits that will catch up to them at a later date. Be reliable, and when you promise to complete, do so, even if it creates for you some discomfort. Time will pass quickly, and you will be the stronger for the experience.
2.’If you do something do it well.’
It’s not the size of the task that you complete that is of major significance. It is the attitude with which you complete it that counts. Give everything you do your fullest attention, and always do it to the best of your ability. If you find that in the midst of the task your abilities are lacking somewhat, then seek ways to learn. Search out a mentor. Read a book. Listen to or watch a recording. Attend a seminar. Do whatever it takes to equip yourself with the skills to perform the best you can possibly perform. And add enthusiasm to each and every performance.
3.’Take good care of your health.’
What use is it to have the finest mind in the whole wide world and yet leave your body to go to rack and ruin? So yes, take care of your mental health by reading the finest of literature and seeking out the best of the best in information. But also spend time each day exercising your body, whether it be to walk, run, swim or ride. Spend time attending to your spiritual health through prayer and meditation. Become financially literate so that you can maintain a healthy financial life, and if you are to have healthy relationships, make certain that you invest love into the lives of your family, friends and associates every day of your life.
4.’Don’t neglect your spiritual life.’
In our rush for success, this is an area of our lives that many neglect. And yet it is at the very centre of our beings. This is not about religion. It is about ensuring that we maintain the compass for our lives and the very essence of our existence. Personally, I have found regular times of prayer and meditation in ‘the greatest book that has ever been written’ has carried me through both the good and the bad times. The end result, to this point, has been a life filled with clarity, love and peace that I share with others.
5.’Keep neat and tidy.’
you can soon tell a disciplined life from an undisciplined life through simply observing their surroundings. Though remember that there are two types of people: those who clean up after the event and those who clean as they go. The results are what count. At the end of the day, after all the activity is over, what remains? Is it order or disorder? Is there peace or is there tension? All these things arise from a mind that is either, or neither, neat or tidy. Aided by a plan, and followed through with regular action, a neat and tidy mind will lead to an ordered life.
6.’Obey directions.’
My daughter once received a bonus just before Christmas from her boss. None of the other juniors, who worked with her, did. Why the difference? Because she did what she was asked to do. At the start of the day they were all instructed to keep an eye out, throughout the gift store, for people who may like to pocket goods for free and then leave. The one who was diligent in following the request of the owner was the one who was ultimately rewarded. Simple, but the one who did this is now running her own businesses and is now the one giving directions.
7.’Help others.’
He or she who helps others helps himself or herself. Give and it will be given back to you. This is a law and should become a daily part of our lives. As a writer of motivational material, I have found that the more I write to encourage others, the more I am encouraged and the more inspiration I receive to write. So don’t be on the lookout to always get. Be on the hunt to give, and in your giving be generous, for a generous heart will always be full and overflowing.
8.’Always use the best tools.’
In order to move a mountain, what would you choose? A shovel or a bulldozer? The effectiveness of the tools will very much determine your answer, won’t they? If you want plenty of exercise and a tan, you’ll choose the shovel. However, if you want a job done swiftly, you’ll choose the dozer. But the fact remains, that the tools you use will determine whether or not you’re on the cutting edge of change. Those who have led every revolution (whether industrial or technological) have been the ones who have used superior tools
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
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